Thought for the Day: So Far Away From Me
September 23, 2002

First things first:
24 Hour Football Person
Friday: At the Country House
Central Florida/Marshall: While installing Windows XP on the laptop to get the new wireless card to work, The Real Doctor and I took in a little MAC attack and saw a sequence which involved four straight interceptions.

Saturday: At the Big House and the Country House
Utah/Michigan (live from the Big House):
Lessons learned from one of the most boring games I have ever seen:
Navarre is apparently French for "Scott Mitchell"
Rotate your face if only one half of it will be facing south from 12-3 pm
A missed field goal is now officially a "Brabbs"
Michigan is seriously overrated, but well, you never know.

Back at the Country House:
Notre Dame/Michigan State: I so badly wanted both teams to lose, and yet, nothing. Watch out folks, there is a speeding Studebaker bandwagon headed up from South Bend and there's a priest behind the wheel.
Ohio State/Cincinnati: Perhaps it is all about the freshman tailback.
Florida/Tennessee: As the Head Keenan says: "When all else fails, root for weather."
Boston College/Miami: Darn it Hurricanes, why wasn't there a Hurricane?

Oh, and over at the CEP: Stevenson 45, Salem 7. Good times...Good times.

Sunday: At the Country House
Green Bay 37, Detroit 31
OK, here's the thing. Firstly, Az-Hakim will always be remembered by me as the first player to score at Ford Field and beat up the mascot on the same play. You just saw him flying down the sideline, run headlong into Roary, slamming him to the turf and then start wailing on him like Ralphie in A Christmas Story.
They were tied at half-time, that's good
They gave up 17 unanswered points in the third, that's bad.
They made a nice comeback thanks to James Stewart, that's good.
They fell short because of a half drop/half overthrow by Joey Heisman.
Sadly, all I ask out of the Lions is to have a chance to win in the last two minutes, that's not too much.

Around the Ticket
Cleveland 31, Tennessee 28 Brownies with a nice comeback, makes up for the fact that they would be 3-0 if Dwayne Rudd had kept his head.
Miami 30, NY Jets 3 Called it, and all streaks must end. Head Keenan: THEY'RE INDEPENDENT EVENTS PEOPLE!
Carolina 21, Minnesota 14 Thank you Carolina, we're still tied for third in the division.
New England 41, Kansas City 38 Drew who? So is it Tommy Gunn, or Tommy Boy for Mr. Brady!
New Orleans 29, Chicago 23 Bears blow a 20 point lead, Big Bird forced to retract the "Who sucks, oh yeah, the Saints suck" statement.
Philadelphia 44, Dallas 13 There's one team happy to never have to see the Vet again.
Indianapolis 23, Houston 3 Yawn...
San Diego 23, Arizona 15 28,980 people saw this game live. To put it in perspective, the Yankees and Tigers drew 23,930 for a meaningless late September game.
Denver 28, Buffalo 23 Buffalo's friskiness status officially still pending, they only lost to Denver.
San Francisco 20, Washington 10 The Steve Spurrier makes the 49ers puke jokes are just too easy.
NY Giants 9, Seattle 6 Oh the humanity.
Atlanta 30, Cincinnati 3 The coronation of Mike Vick has begun. Quickly, find Amhad Rashad!

Smoke signal? Some Mets reportedly used marijuana
It's now time for the Country House Joke-Off. The contestants: The Head Keenan, the Resident Canadian, and yours truly. The topic: Current Mets related headlines.
RC: "Mets light up Bong for 15 hits."
CDB: "Mets get clipped late."
HK: "Mets come home to a little THC."
RC: "Mets hungry for a big win."
CDB: "Mets problems seem chronic."
HK: "Mets smoking, roll to fifth straight win."

Today's highlights:
From World History:
--We go back for Friday's highlights:
"The Buddha was good people, as they say."
"The Eight-Fold Path, sort of a road map to spiritual well-being."
"Zen: you know, if a tree falls in the woods, does it make a sound? No, it doesn't. No, seriously, it doesn't."

From AP US History:
"One of the more interesting things that stems from the Boston Tea Party is that coffee became the preferred drink of the colonies. This was good, except the transition with the caffeine levels on the delegates at the Second Continental Congress was not good:

TJ: I so have to pull an all-nighter to get this Declaration written. Dude, where's my Frappuchino?
John Adams: Frappa what, Tom?
TJ: I swear to God, I will cut you if you don't shut up.
John: Whoa, settle down there Virginia boy. It's July in Philadelphia and you want coffee?
TJ: It's iced coffee you pompous Massachusetts jerk.

The Style Committee later recjected Jefferson's call for "life, liberty, and a double tall mocha latte."
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"Instead of Special Sauce, McDonald's originally wanted to cover the Big Mac with Irrational Sauce, but unfortunately, no one could explain why it was so good."
"You have to remember, the Patriots had no idea how this thing was going to turn out. I mean, until Adam Vinatieri kicked that field goal...oh wait...."

Random Simpsons Quote:
Mr. Burns: "That intrepid lad is my great grandfather, Franklin Jefferson Burns. Tossing that tea, without a care for what the caffeine would do to the Fenway Flounder."
Homer: "Is that a fish?"
Mr. Burns: "It was."

Emmy time:
Nice touch Emmy's to honor Philo, rather than Zworkin, since, well, Philo did it. "The damned thing works!"
Great phrase of the day: "Sting became an Emmy winner."

Channing's Emmy Wait Is Over
Well Stockard, you only had a new series a year from 1978-1981 on CBS, so congrats Abby!

Holy Chiklis! Emmy Spreads Wealth
I always thought he was very underrated on The Commish, but that's just me.

Emmy Voters Show Populist Bent
Then how did Futurama beat The Simpsons, and how did Jennifer Garner lose to Allison Janney (not that I mind, it just disproves the thesis.)

Do the Dwight thing: Question fodder:
Quake jolts Ryder Cup arrivals (just for the geology, people!)

Miss Universe Fired, to Be Replaced by Runner-Up
Yes, the Martians are still pissed about this one.

Why is Alabama's pension plan trying to bail out US Airways?
If MESPRS buys Hershey, then I will get worried.

The Spike Jonze ad that almost makes IKEA cool.
Key word: Almost...

John Cage Silence Plagiarism Case Settled
Just a bizarre tale...

Man Dies After Detergent Mistaken for Hummus
I am not quite sure how you apologize for this one.

Dumb question: Is there a real Mrs. Jared Fogle, or is this one of those Radio Shack relationships?

Today's Phrase that Can Never Lead to Any Good (courtesy the Resident Canadian): "We did offer to translate the books into some other language, but they insisted on having them in Finnish."
You know, if I recall correctly, isn't Finnish one of the hardest languages out there to learn?

Today's Installment of "I am shocked, Louie, just quite simply shocked!"
Gore Decries Bush's Iraq War Push

This Day in History
1949: President Truman announces Soviets have exploded a nuclear device
"You know, America, no big deal, but our arch-enemies just got the bomb. Nothing to get excited about."
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Cut Throat Update:

OK, it's not what you do in the early going, its what you do late that counts, as everyone scored points. So we'll see what happens in Week 4 and we'll go from there. Simple thing, by next Sunday 1:00 PM EDT, send me your picks (you can even reply to this email, since it will come back to me.)

A rules change: To make the bonus for getting both games worth a little less, each win is now worth two points, and the bonus for winning both is one extra point, so as you can see, many many people got fives.

Interesting notes:
Big Winners of the week:
18 of the 34 players picked Atlanta (over Cincy)
10 of the 34 players picked Indianapolis (over Houston)
10 of the 34 players picked San Diego (over Arizona)
07 of the 34 players picked Green Bay (over Detroit)
06 of the 34 players picked Philadelphia (over Dallas)

Big Losers of the Week:
3 players picked Minnesota
2 players picked Arizona

And introducing Clippy:
With the idea of a need for a baseline player, I used Excel's Random Number Generator to create a random number between 1-32 in the 30 cells for each week. I then assigned, alphabetically, the teams a number from 1-32 and then put them in. I then flipped for the one week where teams had a bye and we got a schedule, which we assigned to the Microsoft Office assistant Paper Clip, since he is the one that helped me to figure out the RNG for Excel. So, from Redmond, WA, Clippy, whose score is the random baseline.

So, that's everything, if you have any questions, please email me at cdbarker@umich.edu
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Big Bird Chicago, IL 5
Dookie Fairfax, VA 5
The Virginian Plano, TX 5
You know who Livonia, MI 5
Daniel B. Ann Arbor, MI 5
Michigan Paladin College Park, MD 5
Resident Canadian London, ONT 5
Cardinal Livonia, MI 5
The Good Doctor Bridgeville, PA 5
Tsarista Ann Arbor, MI 5
E-Dog St. Clair Shores, MI 5
GZ GP Woods, MI 5
Gordon Traverse City, MI 5
VOA JD Arlington, VA 5
JQSmooth Atlanta, GA 5
Cornell Jason Edison, NJ 5
The Stepson of Troy Beallsville, PA 5
Cornell Kenny Arlington, VA 5
The Real Doctor Ann Arbor, MI 5
Gerbil #2 Manchester, MA 5
The Bruce San Francisco, CA 5
Head Keenan Ann Arbor, MI 5
Brother in Arms Livonia, MI 5
Dirty Midwest Chelsea, MI 5
Gerbil #3 Beverly, MA 5
Tim K Lincoln Park, MI 5
Adam K East Liverpool, OH 2
ADJ Push, NV 2
CRodgers Columbia, SC 2
Ghostjam Lexana, KS 2
Ed M Okemos, MI 2
Tigerlily Arlington, VA 2
Nate Dogg Bloomfield Hills, MI 2
Paper Clippy Redmond, WA 2
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Things That Have Happened Since the Release of Peter Gabriel's Last Studio Album:
Today brought to you by the 1992 Peter Gabriel album Us. It's only fair:

World Cups in the US, France, and Korea/Japan.
The Beatles' Anthology
Michigan wins its first national championship in football since the Truman Administration.
The Red Wings win three Stanley Cups, Tigers set team record for consecutive seasons of futility.
Tiger Woods wins eight major championships. Phil Mickelson wins zero.
Volvo introduces its first production model convertible, the C-70.
Czechoslovakia breaks into the Czech Republic and Slovakia.
Frank McCourt wins the Pulitzer Prize for Angela's Ashes
The Good Friday Accords
Jeff Bezos founds Amazon.com
The Lilith Fair
Sun introduces the Java programming language.
Diplomatic relations established between the State of Israel and the Vatican.
The AL wins five straight All-Star Games.
Every Dave Matthews Band album
The Chunnel Opens
Mario Lemieux retires from the NHL, is elected to the Hall of Fame, buys the Penguins, then returns as a player.
Kevin Costner released both Waterworld AND The Postman
The World Series is cancelled.
The Marlins and Diamondbacks win their first World Series titles.
The entire run of Friends
Radiohead and Beck win all of their collective Grammies.
Michigan State wins its second NCAA Men's Basketball title.
Will Ferrell's entire SNL run.
The Lions lose EVERY SINGLE FREAKING PLAYOFF GAME they play in:
1993 NFC First-Round Playoff, 01/08/1994: Green Bay 28, @Detroit 24
1994 NFC First-Round Playoff, 12/31/1994: @Green Bay 16, Detroit 12
1995 NFC First-Round Playoff, 12/30/1995: @Philadelphia 58, Detroit 37
1997 NFC First-Round Playoff, 12/28/1997: @Tampa Bay 20, Detroit 10
1999 NFC First-Round Playoff, 01/08/2000: @Washington 27, Detroit 13
Candlestick Park becomes 3Com Park at Candlestick Point before reverting to the old name.
Spy Kids and Spy Kids 2: The Island of Lost Dreams
Max Weinberg twice leaves Late Night with Conan O'Brien to go on the road with the Boss.
The entire existence of the Lansing Lugnuts.
Well, basically, the whole Harry Potter phenomenon.
The whole "mainstream" career of Vin Diesel
All but the original incarnation of the Dream Team
The Ill-named Operation Desert Fox
The city of Cleveland is torn asunder when that bastard prick Art Modell, with absolutely no good reason save avarice and greed, steals the Browns away to Baltimore. Reason sets in and the Browns are returned in 1999, without that jerk.
The Government of the Right Honorable Tony Blair
Star Trek: Generations, Star Trek: First Contact and Star Trek: Insurrection
The California Angels become the Anaheim Angels become the Disney Corporate Softball team become the Anaheim Angels.
Every game in EA's NHL video game series.
Miami serves football probation, wins National title.
The entire run of The Sopranos.
The New York Rangers "Planet of the Apes" jerseys. Damn you, damn you all to hell!
Roughly 10,000 SportsCenters, give or take 500?
All but 21 days of my tenure at Stevenson, four years at Michigan, a semester of student teaching at Churchill, a semester of subbing, and a year of the job. E-19 opens Monday.
All but one awarding of the Mercury Music Prize.
Manchester United's Treble.
All of the state quarters so far.
That 70s Show, and That 80s Show.
The concept of baseball "replacement players."
My 15th, 16th, 17th, 18th, 19th, 20th, 21st, 22nd, 23rd, and 24th birthdays.
9 seasons of L&O
Tom Hanks' back-to-back Best Actor wins.
The Rise, and Fall, of Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich
The movie Hackers
Contiential and Northwest start "code sharing."
Bobby Ross' reign as Lions' coach.
72 wins, 90 losses by the Detroit Lions for a .444 winning percentage...Man, are they incompetent!
94 wins, 29 losses and 3 ties for Michigan Football
1992: 9-0-3, 1993: 8-4-0, 1994: 8-4-0, 1995: 9-4-0, 1996: 8-4, 1997: 12-0, 1998: 10-3, 1999: 10-2, 2000: 9-3, 2001: 8-4, 2002: 3-1 so far
Erik Kramer, Rodney Peete, Andre Ware, Scott Mitchell, Dave Krieg, Don Majkowski, Frank Reich, Charlie Batch, Gus Frerotte, Stoney Case, Ty Detmer, Mike McMahon, and now, Joey Harrington. 13 starting quarterback for the Detroit Lions.

That's all for today, until tomorrow,
I am Craig Barker, rolling on the A-Train.